My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
