SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
