i need an iv and a liver transplant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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