I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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