How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
