I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
