Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
