You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
