i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
