Cold hands, warm shart.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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