I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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