I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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