1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
