I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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