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Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
