I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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