I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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