apparently the secret to your success is patron
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
