He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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