Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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