I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
