one might say we're banned from that church
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
