That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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