Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
