Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
