cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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