Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
