my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
