i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
