You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
