she looked like the before picture.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
