he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
