everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
