I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
