ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if only i could text you this smell
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
