i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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