in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
