So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
