i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
