I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she peed on how many people?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
