Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
