Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
