My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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