I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
