you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
