I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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