Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
