when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
