I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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