I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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