i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
