The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
