Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
