So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
