4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
