She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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