you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
