I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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