i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.