I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"