I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
two words: eviction party
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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