On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Randomize
